Dave in Russia

Saturday, May 17, 2003

I have never written a play before, but here is a thing I have in mind.

I envision this scene in a mountain hideout somewhere in Islamolandia:

(In the glow of a campfire, there are a few dirty, scruffy men, dressed in ragged white cloaks. Some of the cloaks incongruously bear the wording 'Ramada Inn' markings in faded black ink near the ends. They are sucking on hookahs and sipping at tin-cups of tea.

Beards are mottled, matted and mangy. But we will leave the women serving them out of it.)

Mohammed-"We have finally pulled off the impossible! Now, we can fight the infidels with weapons he understands! No more depending on Allah, the suitcase nuke we bought will teach those dogs a lesson!"

Ahmed, pointing a bony finger at Mohammed-"He didn't say 'Peace be upon him' when he said 'Allah!'"

Mohammed-"Shut up you filthy pig! Curses be upon your mustache!"

Tariq-"Let's stick to the point. We now have a weapon capable of doing some real damage. So, brothers, what do we do with it?"

Ahmed-"Take it to New York! Or Washington! Strike at the Americans! We hate them the most."

Budwy Sehrman"True..true...but there is much danger getting the bomb to New York. Getting on an airplane is much more difficult since our brother Osama's big adventure."

Tariq-"Where else can we strike at the hearts of infidels?"

Badr-"Who is the country we hate most, besides America brothers?"


Tariq-"That's right. They have been killing our brothers in Chechnya, Afghanistan, and all over -stanland for years now. Let's consider the Russians."

Ahmed-"I know! I know! We could go to Moscow, and take the bomb into a theater! We could hold the people hostage, torment them, and kill them while the news of the infidels broadcasts our heroism for all to see."

Budwy Sehrman-"Been there.....Done that...."

Mohammed, pointing at Ahmed, -"Sit down and shut up."
Tariq-(Unfolding a piece of paper with the letterhead ARAB NEWS in green ink on the top.) Here is my plan.....

(Everyone leans in, Ahmed falls into the fire. He jumps to his feet and begins jumping and screaming. Head thrashing about, tongue bouncing sideways in his mouth the way the women do when they make that hideous screaming noise.)


Tariq-"Someone please take him outside."

Badr-"He hasn't been the same since Saddam....uh..well... you know..."

(Badr makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger, and jams the forefinger from his other hand in and out of the hole. He shrugs, then pushes Ahmed, still smoking and squealing toward the door of the cave.)

Ahmed-(Bangs his head on the top of the cave exit.)"Doh!@"

(Snickering among the cavedwellers.)

Tariq-"We need to go to St. Petersburg. In St. Petersburg there will soon be a gathering of infidel leaders the likes never seen before. It will be a gathering of more than 50 heads of state from countries we are at war with. With one blow we can strike down the combined leaders of the infidels."

Mohammed-"It is truly a gift from Allah! Can we get the bomb to St. Petersburg?"

Tariq-"That should be easy brother. We can put it in the back of a car. If the Russian police stop us, they are corrupt. A bribe of 100 roubles, about 3 dollars, will keep them from bothering us. Getting our bomb to the city will be very easy."

Budwy Sehrman-"True.....true...."

Tariq-"Once we get to St. Petersburg, we have many friends. As you know, the largest mosque that far north in the world is in St. Petersburg. We have many, many brothers to help us hide and wait the day of glory."

Mohammed-"It sounds too easy. What about the security for the site?"

Tariq-"It is impossible for any city to be protected from a bomb this powerful. We don't have to get next to the dignitaries, just in the area. We will have no problem. The Russian government is weak right now. It is corrupt, it is understaffed, and their pride keeps them from asking others, like the US for help in security matters. This, brothers, is a chance we won't see again for 1000 years. Allah has blessed us truly with this."

Mohammed-"Isn't it true that we bought this bomb from a Russian?"

Tariq-"Yes. It was the Soviet Union that developed this bomb. It is called a suitcase nuke, and it is designed exactly for this type of purpose. For a small band of people to get near an event and set off a nuclear blast. The Soviets lost track of them when the country collapsed, and our supplier had this one, and a few others. In all, there are almost 50 of these bombs missing."

Mohammed-"It is very lucky for us that we have this one."

Tariq-"Luck had nothing to do with it brother. It was planning. We worked, planned, and spent money to get this bomb. Now we have to use it to our full advantage."

The lights go down, the scene is over.

Now, let me give you a little background on this play.

May 27th is the 300th anniversary of the founding of the city of St. Petersburg.

They have been gearing up for the city, and they claim they are just about ready. There will be more than 50 heads of state in attendance, including George Bush, Tony Blair, and most of the big ones. More than 3000 foreign journalists have been accredited by the agencies involved to come and participate, and in about 10 days,(May 27th) it will all culminate in a big party celebrating what is, to Russians, a tribute to their favorite city. (Most Russians hate Moscow.)

I am going to be out of town that day.


posted by Dave 02:38

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Check out Sandstorm for Middle East things you can't find anywhere else. Here is a sample.

Thursday, May 1, 2003. Indiana Jones or Inside Job at Iraq Museum? On Tuesday, directors of some of the world's leading museums met at the British Museum in London. Their mission: salvaging what can be salvaged at the plundered Iraq Museum. Their point man in Baghdad will be Dr. Donny George, research director of the Iraq Museum, who visited London for the meeting. There was much ado about the much-quoted Dr. George, who gave a colorful account of the museum under siege. He (again) pointed an accusing finger at the United States, for failing to prevent the "crime of the century." ("Was it done intentionally? I don't know. But moving a tank 50 of 60 meters would have saved mankind's heritage.")

And he got glowing press in London. The Guardian reported that his "bravery in tackling looters after the first Gulf war has earned him something of a reputation as an Indiana Jones figure." He also made a great impression on officialdom. "A typically wet performance on Tuesday from culture secretary Tessa Jowell," noted the Financial Times. "She found it 'truly humbling' to meet Donny George, veteran research director of Baghdad's National Museum." Clearly, Dr. George has landed on his feet.

But no one who knows how Saddam's Iraq worked should think for a moment that Dr. George was anything less than a faithful servant of his master. In fact, he seems to have been less the Indiana Jones of Iraqi archaeology, and more its Tariq Aziz. He was the urbane handler of the foreign archaeologists, with one overarching purpose: turning them into an anti-embargo lobby among the well-heeled. To judge from the sanctions-busting by many foreign archaeologists, he did a pretty good job. He certainly enjoyed the confidence of Saddam Hussein. Two years ago, Dr. George boasted to a foreign journalist that Saddam not only read his reports, but returned them with careful notes in the margins. Reports on what? Isn't that something we should know, before we feel "truly humbled" in Dr. George's presence?

In September 1990, within weeks of Iraq's invasion and occupation of Kuwait, the staff of the Iraq Museum turned up in Kuwait, loaded the contents of Kuwait's National Museum into open lorries (their methods were "anything but professional," notes the collection's patron), and hauled them across the desert to the basement of their own museum. Kuwait had been abolished by Saddam, and these treasures were now part of Iraq's patrimony. Most of the plunder was returned to the Kuwaitis--after Iraq's defeat and a U.N. resolution. But some of the collection was damaged, and 59 prime objects "disappeared," including a few spectacular emeralds--just the sort of thing a Baath higher-up would want in his pocket. Wouldn't you like to hear more about that earlier Baath heist from Dr. George, before feeling "truly humbled" in his presence?

Top: George tells of ten executed for stealing this. Bottom: "Four of hearts" (nuclear expert Abd al-Ghaffur) reopens Iraq Museum, April 2000. (He's been apprehended.)

If you visited the Iraq Museum over the last couple of years (in defiance of your government's travel ban), Dr. George would have shown you the head of a winged bull statue, the kind found at the entrance to Assyrian palaces. This one had been stolen and cut up by a gang of smugglers. Their bad luck: they got caught. Dr. George then would have told you the fate that befell the smugglers: ten of them were executed. Dr. George called that theft the "crime of the century," explaining that antiquities smuggling endangered Iraq's "national security." He also told a journalist in 2001 that new and harsher penalties for looting of artefacts were due to be put in effect that year, including the death penalty. Wouldn't you want to know how Iraq came to impose such despotic penalties, and whether they were urged upon Saddam by Iraq's archaeological bureaucrats, before allowing yourself to be "truly humbled" by Dr. George?

Now that you no longer feel all that humbled, read this paragraph from the New York Times report of the London meeting:

Although some evidence suggests that people with inside knowledge of the museum were responsible for stealing the more valuable items, Mr. George said he had no information indicating that the culprits were officials connected with his antiquities department or with the government of Saddam Hussein.
"I know how Saddam Hussein cared for antiquities," he said in dismissing the possibility of an inside job. How fortunate for Dr. George, his staff, and all his old superiors! How could anyone believe any of them would be involved?

Dr. George is riding high on the sympathy and guilt of the world, and there are no other Iraqis who can be relied upon to do the salvage work. But a time for hard questions will come. Already, Iraqis aren't returning artefacts to the museum staff, preferring to hand them over to U.S. troops. "It has been a challenge to us that the Iraq museum is closely identified with both the prior regime and its Baathist Party," says Col. Matthew F. Bogdanos, a Manhattan assistant district attorney with the Marines in Baghdad, who is handling the investigation.

I suggest he include a thorough inquiry into the connections between the Iraq Museum and the regime, and seriously probe the possibility that the "crime of the century" was an inside job. Kanan Makiya, while in Iraq, heard that the plundering of the museum "was the work of newly deposed Baathist officials, who had been selling off our patrimony as they saw their days were numbered." Dr. George and other antiquities officials were the loyal servants of these thugs for thirty years. I'm sure they have interesting stories to tell. Certainly no American official should feel humbled in the presence of any of them, and eventually the interrogation lights should be turned on all of them--including Dr. George.

Why? Just listen to the American archaeologists. The American Schools of Oriental Research have described the plundering of Iraq's museum as "comparable to the sack of Constantinople, the burning of the library at Alexandria, the Vandal and Mogul invasions and the ravages of the conquistadors." One American archaeologist, much interviewed these days, has described what happened as "the greatest catastrophe ever to befall a cultural institution in the history of the world," which would make it the crime of all centuries.

If the report in the New York Times this morning is anything to go on, it may yet turn out that these archaeologists fell for a fabulous exaggeration, propagated largely by the Baath's apparatchiks at the Iraq Museum. But since we don't know yet, let's have the mother of all criminal investigations, to find out exactly what happened. No one should be above suspicion--especially the people who knew where to find the best lots, who had the keys, and who had long-standing ties with the criminals who ran the regime. Quite a few people fit that description. None of them is a U.S. Marine.

Sandstorm: Martin Kramer on the Middle East
posted by Dave 10:37

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

From one of the best blogsites out there, IMAO, at http://www.imao.us/archives/000602.html#000602

In My World: Career Day
"Now, I want this career day with these first graders to go well, so all of you be on your best behavior," Laura Bush warned, "and I swear, Donald, if you strangle anyone today, I'll give you a talking to you won't believe."

"Do I have to sit next to Tom Daschle?" Bush complained.

"Yes," Laura answered, "if Donald's going to make the best effort not to strangle anyone, then the least I can do is not put him next to Tom Daschle."

"I told you to bring Condi instead," Bush said.

"I don't like that woman," Laura shot back, "Now let's go into the classroom and meet the kids."

They entered the room as the teacher announced. "I have a special treat for you today, children. Laura Bush has brought four people from the government to talk to you about their jobs. So let's all be on our best behavior."

"That's goes for all of you, too," Laura warned as the four of them, the Marine, Tom Daschle, George W. Bush, and Donald Rumsfeld, took seats in front of the class.

"I guess I'll start," said the Marine, "My name is Buck, Buck the Marine. My job is to kill foreigners. There are a lot of foreigners running around out there, so I have my work cut out for me. I just got back from Iraq. There were a lot of foreigners there, and there are now many less."

"So what do you like best about your job?" the teacher asked.

"I'd have to say the kill'n. Now, you can't just kill any foreigners, you have to follow your orders and only kill certain ones. As in Iraq, some were shooting at me, so I killed them. That was fun. Some threw down their weapons and raised their hands; I don't like that because then I can't kill them... especially not with them embedded reporters watching. I thought of killing the embedded reporter, but he ain't foreign. I only kill foreigners."

"What was it like liberating an Iraqi town?" asked the teacher.

"That had its high points and low points. Some Iraqis sniped at me, so I killed them; that was fun. Some cheered me on; couldn't kill them. A little Iraqi girl walked up and said, 'I love America.' That made me happy... but not as much as killing."

"Now children, do you have any questions for Buck?"

"How do you kill people?" asked a little boy.

"Usually with my M-16. Sometimes with my .45 caliber sidearm; 9mm is for pussies."

"We don't use that kind of language in class, Buck," the teacher politely told him.

"Sorry. Ma'am. Anyway, my favorite weapon for killing is my KaBar. I sneak up behind someone, stab him in the kidneys and hold it in; you can't scream with a blade in your kidneys. Then, when he finally goes into shock, I pull the blade out and slit his throat. It's a very effective method. I recommend you try it sometime."

"My mom came from another country; would you kill her?" a concerned little girl asked.

"If so ordered, yes, I would kill your mom. Any other questions?"

"What do you do now?"

"Right now I am on leave. I hang out with friends, drink, and talk about all my killing. I'm hoping something will happen soon in North Korea, though; never killed a Korean. Anyway, right now I have killed more people than the SARS virus, but that could change if I don't get out in the field again soon."

"Buck, why don't you tell them what you have to do to become a Marine," the teacher suggested.

"Certainly. You have to go through boot camp. There they will put you through hell. They will break down your body. They will break down your mind. They will break down your spirit. You will beg for mercy. You will not get it. You will beg for death. It will not come. If you survive - and I mean 'if' - you will be a Marine. Then you can kill foreigners. So who wants to be a Marine?"

The kids just stared at him bewildered, none of them raising their hands.

"What are you all? Fags?"

"Buck, we don't use that kind of language here," the teacher warned again.

"Sorry, ma'am."

"Now, Tom Daschle, why don't you tell the class what you do."

"Certainly. First of all, I would like to say how grateful I am for Buck's service in our military."

Buck stared at Daschle for a moment. "I don't think I like you."

"I get that a lot," Daschle said, laughing, "Anyway, children, I am a U.S. Senator. I help vote for what becomes our laws."

"You're a devil man!" screamed one child.

"Yes, I seem to radiate off sort of sinister vibe that young children pick up on," Daschle explained, "Commonly, babies cry when I come near. Most people, though, as they grow older no longer sense my evil so easily, and then may vote for me."

"My dad says you're a mean man who takes his money," said a little boy.

"I think that you're dad is just being selfish to try and keep his money. As a Senator, I'm better equipped to know how to spend people's money. And we'll be able to take even more money into our loving care if we Democrats can get a majority in 2004."

"Yeah, that will happen," Bush chuckled.

"It's not your turn, Mr. Bush," the teacher told him firmly, "Let Daschle speak. Now, Daschle, what does one have to do to become a Senator?"

"I think it's a good idea to first become a lawyer. That helps erode away your soul, which is an obstacle in politics. Then I say you need to act concerned about lots of things and talk down to people. And it's good to have a believable smile." Daschle then smiled, causing the class to cry.

"Make the scary man go away!" cried one girl.

"Maybe it's time for George Bush to speak," the teacher said, "Tell the class what your job is."

"I'm the President of the United States," Bush said proudly, "The most powerful man in the world. Maybe the universe. Within at least a few light-years from here, for sure, though. It's a fun job. I miss signing off all those executions like when I was governor, but instead I can declare wars now and kill even more bad people. You know that Iraqi war? That was my idea."

"And would just like to say I supported the troops," Daschle added, "but I was saddened how your botched diplomacy forced us into conflict."

"Oh, and I always had something I wanted to say in response to that," Bush said. He then turned to his side and punched Daschle in the face.

"You broke my nose!" Daschle screamed.

"People say I sometimes garble my words, but I think I was pretty clear there," Bush chuckled.

"There is no hitting in class!" the teacher yelled. "Daschle, you can go to the nurse. Bush, you're getting a demerit."

"I'm going to tell!" Daschle cried, running off.

"Crybaby," Bush uttered.

Laura smacked him on the back of the head. "You're embarrassing me."

The teacher added Bush's name to a list on the wall and put a frowny face next to it.

"Ha ha!" laughed a kid, "Bush got a demerit!"

"What's your name kid?"

"Uh... Tommy."

"Tommy what?"

"Tommy... Anderson."

"Well, guess what? The Andersons are about to get audited. It's going to be so stressful to your parents that they'll get divorced and it will be all your fault."

"George!" Laura yelled.

"What? He was making fun of me."

"Why don't you explain more of your job," the teacher told him.

"Alright. I have to keep the world from imploding, since the rest of the countries are a bunch of idiots. The worst is France. How can I describe this to you... France is kinda like that kid in class everyone hates who reminds the teacher to give out homework." He then pointed to a geeky looking kid wearing glasses. "Probably that kid; he's France."

"But without homework," the kid responded, "how are we going..."

"Quiet, France. I'm tired of dealing with you."

"Do you have questions for Mr. Bush?" the teacher asked the class.

"My mom says you didn't really win the election," said one boy.

"She said that, huh," Bush answered, looking a bit annoyed, "Well I want you to go home and bitch-slap her for me. And she can't ground you for it, because I pardon you."

"George!" Laura shouted.

"What?" Bush said innocently.

"You don't seem that powerful to me," said one kid.

"I am powerful."

"Are not."

"Are so!" Bush yelled, rising out of his seat.

The kid just stuck his tongue out.

"I'll show you!" Bush shouted, grabbing a nearby globe, "I'll just pick a country and bomb it."

"Whatever," the kid said dismissively.

"Don't do this, George!" Laura warned.

Bush spun the globe and then stopped it with his finger. "The United States! I'll bomb the... oh, better spin again." He spun the globe once more and stopped it. "Hmm... I don't know how to say this one, but I can't just spell it for them," he said as he took out his cell phone. "Hey, I want you to bomb a country spelled K-Y-R-Y-G-Z-stan... Just do it... I don't have to give you a reason why..." Bush looked to the kid with a haughty expression, "I'm the president."

Laura just shook her head.

Bush turned on a T.V. that was at the corner of the room. "After the success of the Iraqi war, a new era of peace is spreading through the Middle East," the news anchor said, "Experts say democracy will soon flourish and... This just in. The U.S. has launched an unprovoked attack against Kyrygzstan. Who knows what diplomatic damage this will do to the U.S. and to how it is viewed around the world. It could take years to repair..."

Bush turned off the T.V. "Told ya!" he said, and then stuck his tongue out at the kid.

"So what does someone have to do to become president?" the teacher asked, trying to take control again of the class.

"I think it helps if your father was president," Bush said, sitting back down, "and better make sure your stupid brother doesn't mess up the voting in his state."

"Could I one day be president?" asked a boy.

"No, you're too fat."

"George!" Laura yelled, hitting Bush on the head.

"Uh... I mean, if you work really hard, you could become president, despite your tubbiness."

"I think it's now Donald Rumsfeld's turn," the teacher said, "So what is your job."

"I am the Secretary of War."

"Defense," Laura corrected him.

"Whatever they now call it," he said with annoyance, "My job is to make sure America strikes fear into the heart of all other nations. It was through my lobbying that I made sure we had this Iraq war."

"I want to thank you for that," Buck said.

"Glad you enjoyed the war," Rumsfeld answered, "There will be more to come."

"My parents say you're an evil warmonger," said a little girl.

Rumsfeld stared at her for a few seconds. "After this, I'm going to follow you home and murder your family."

"Donald!" Laura yelled, "I told you no threatening the children!"

"Why don't you tell us more about what your job requires?" the teacher urged.

"Certainly. A Secretary of Defense must thirst for blood. He must love nothing more than to see the enemy cower before him, begging for mercy. But you must not be merciful. The enemy will see that as weakness, and we must never show weakness, for we are the United States of America."

"Hoo-rah!" Buck added.

"Are you going to kill and eat us?" asked a scared little child.

Rumsfeld considered this for a little while. "Not at this time," he finally answered.

"So what exactly do you do at your job?" the teacher asked.

"Other than the war planning and the thirsting for blood, I have to give press conferences and talk to idiot reporters. I would like to kill them all, but then next week there would just be a new set of reporters, even dumber than the last. One time there was..."

"I like the reporter with the big mustache," said a little boy.

"That child spoke out of turn; have him beaten," Rumsfeld ordered the teacher.

"We don't 'beat' children anymore," the teacher responded, "That's child abuse."

"Poppycock! When I was their age, if you were bad, they had this large stick they would beat you with for hours with. And, if you were good, they had an even bigger stick to beat you with. Beatings made you tougher, so it was a privilege to be pummeled."

"I'm confused," said one kid, "You said before you were a secretary, but I thought a secretary was the woman who gets people coffee."

"You children are insolent!" Rumsfeld shouted, pulling out his luger, "Line up for execution!"

Laura grabbed the luger away. "I told you no guns at career day."

"That's my luger!" Rumsfeld protested.

"You'll get it back after class if you're good."

"Rarr!" Rumsfeld yelled, but Laura just kept staring back at him sternly.

"Why don't you tell the kids what they need to do if they want to be a Secretary of Defense," the teacher said.

"None of them can be Secretary of Defense; they are too weak and stupid."

"Don't say things like that," the teacher chided him, "Give them a positive message."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Rumsfeld yelled, reaching for the teacher's throat.

Laura pushed him back into his chair. "No strangling!" she yelled at him, "Not at an event I organized."

"I think the children have learned enough for today," the teacher said, "I want to thank you all for giving us your time today. Certainly pass that message on to Daschle when you see him again."

"Yeah, I'll pass him a message," Bush chuckled, hitting his fist into his palm.

"We're all going to O'Malley's after this," Buck announced to the kids, "You can meet us there, have a few beers, and I can tell you more about killing foreigners."

"Cool!" Bush exclaimed, "We'll have a game of darts."

"Just make sure to drive Donald home if he gets tipsy," Laura told Bush.

"Are you saying I can't hold my liquor, woman!" Rumsfeld demanded angrily.

"You know he's a mean drunk," Laura whispered to Bush, "So be careful."

"Hell, he's a mean sober," Bush said, "Drunk, he's a WMD."

posted by Dave 06:38

I love the fact that they like Fox News. It's great!

Free media blossom in Iraq city | csmonitor.com
posted by Dave 06:26

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Here are the Wonderlic score of NFL players, sorted by position. A score of 50 is perfect, 20 is about average, 10 means you need help tying your shoes.

Offensive tackles: 26
Centers: 25
Quarterbacks: 24
Guards: 23
Tight Ends: 22
Safeties: 19
Middle linebackers: 19
Cornerbacks: 18
Wide receivers: 17
Fullbacks: 17
Halfbacks: 16
Average score in other professions:
Chemist: 31
Programmer: 29
Newswriter: 26
Sales: 24
Bank teller: 22
Clerical Worker: 21
Security Guard: 17
Warehouse: 15

According to Rick Riley, "Teams aren't supposed to release the [Wonderlic] scores, but they're usually leaked anyway. Among quarterbacks Brian Griese is said to have scored a 39, Drew Bledsoe 37, Steve Young 33, John Elway 30, Troy Aikman 29, Cade McNown 28, Mark Brunell 22, Tim Couch 22, Trent Dilfer 22, Brett Favre 22, Daunte Culpepper 21, Vinny Testaverde 18, Dan Marino 16, Randall Cunningham 15 and Jeff George 10.

Javon Walker, the Packers first round choice scored a big single digit 9 on the score. It’s nice to see Florida State still turning out student athletes, huh?

posted by Dave 08:17

If you are interested in the Wonderlic test, you can now take a sample of it online. ESPN has it up. It is the test they give to athletes who are trying out for NFL teams. Besides knowing how fast these guys are, and how high they can jump, they want to know if they can color in the playbook or not.

Take the test. See how you do.


ESPN.com - Page2 - So, how do you score?
posted by Dave 07:49

Saturday, April 26, 2003

Great story about how we are luring North Korean scientists out. The Australian: N Korean scientists defect [April 19, 2003]
posted by Dave 03:58

Dave Bumps Into Royalty (Royalty apologizes…)
Dave Francis
April 26, 2003

Sometimes, you need to take time to just stop and smell the roses. Yesterday was one of those days.

If you were born white, male and in America, you have a lot to be thankful for.

Not that there is anything wrong with being non-white, non-male or non-American, but lets be honest here folks, for the most part, white American guys get easy entrance into most places they want to go. They have pretty much been free of the historical oppression that has beset women, blacks, and people in other countries, and I, as a representative of that group, try to remember the luck I drew at birth and be thankful for it.

Besides winning that lottery, I also came up big on the birth wheel of fortune by being born to a good family, given an exceptional amount of intelligence, and blessed with a lack of decorum that has served me well these 43 years. To repeat my mantra, that I am fond of sharing, God Loves Me!

Anyway, the point is, I had a cool day yesterday. I was doing a promotional thing for my radio show here in St. Petersburg, (THE DAVE FRANCIS SHOW! RADIO ROKS, 102 FM. St Petersburg, Russia. Now LIVE on the internet!) This time, what I was scheduled for was to attend the opening of some Swedish art exhibit being held at The Hermitage. (No, not the ex-president’s home in Tennessee. The OTHER Hermitage.)

I get there, meet the bosses, and am ushered in to the exhibit. There was this lady there, who was getting a LOT of attention. I mean a LOT. (I was a bit jealous, but what are ya gonna do?…)

Come to find out, this lady is the Swedish princess Victoria, here to open the exhibit. The daughter of the King of Sweden. Anyway, I get to shmooze with her a bit, and she was very cool. She had met other people from Texas, but I don’t think she had met many Texans, if you know what I mean…. She was good looking, sweet, and as unassuming as you can be when you have half a dozen guys with earphones nervously watching your every move.

We were introduced when she turned to her left, and bumped into me. (She apologized, and I graciously accepted, of course.)

Now, I know a lot of you are saying, “Aaah, so what? A princess! She didn’t do anything to deserve it. She is just some spoiled brat. Some rich twit running around feeling like she is better than the rest of us….” Or some such thing.

Not so fast. She can’t be blamed for her birth situation any more than you or I can for ours. It isn’t what you are born to, it is what you do with it, and how you handle it. Now, I don’t know this chick, but she seemed like a nice lady. If you are born a princess, and behave like a nice one, what the hell. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, I gave her my business card, (The one with my picture, and I have a black eye…) told her I thought she would make a great guest on the show, and now we will wait to see if she answers. (We won’t hold our breath though, I mean she IS a princess after all!)

One other cool thing. The exhibit was basically stupid looking things you may find on the shelf of a truckstop for $3.95, and the princess had NO IDEA what any of it was. She was lost for a minute, waiting for the museum director to catch up, and people were asking her about the stuff. She had that Princess in the headlights look to her. It was great. So frail, so vulnerable, afraid, with me next to her… uhhh.. ok, I gotta go.


posted by Dave 03:04

Thursday, April 24, 2003


For those of you who want to see us let up on Cuba, check out this partial list of people imprisoned recently. Props to www.Hoystory.blogspot.com, where you can find the whole list.

Name Occupation Sentence
Marta Beatriz Roque Cabello Human Rights Activist 20 years
Raúl Rivero Castañeda Independent Journalist 20 years
Héctor Palacios Ruiz Human Rights Activist 25 years
Oscar Espinosa Chepe Independent Journalist 20 years
Víctor Arroyo Carmona Independent Journalist 26 years
Eduardo Díaz Fleitas Human Rights Activist 21 years
Horacio Julio Piña Borrego Human Rights Activist 20 years

posted by Dave 23:17

We hear a lot today about how we shouldn’t lay blame for the terrorism going on. I mean, we aren’t to blame the Saudi’s, the Yemeni’s, or the Palestinians. Yasar Arafat is without guilt, the Arab street is misunderstood, and about the only people who seem to have any real guilt in this whole thing is us. You can blame the west in general, and America in particular. See, we provoked them. It is all our fault.

Not the fault of the Pakistani mullahs spreading hatred of us, or the Saudi’s paying the bills for books preaching murder. Those people in the street throwing rocks, burning flags, and screaming into the cameras are the good guys, it is the Baptists doctors gunned down in the desert, the oil workers taken hostage, and the rest of us living our lives that are the bad guys. If we hadn’t been so terrible, if we had been more concerned, if we had cared a little more about others, we wouldn’t have made them hate us so.


I am tired of it, and I am tired of trying to understand them. I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to be patient. I don’t want to learn. I want to hate.

I want to hate the Islamists the way my grandparents hated the Krauts and the Japs. I want to hate them the way my parents hated the gooks. Hell, I want to hate them the way my forefathers hated the injuns. Hate is good. Hate is sweet. Hate can be productive.

We would still be fighting the Nazis if we hadn’t worked up a good hatred. It is hard to kill lots of people you don’t hate, and it is damn near impossible to win a real war without killing a lot of people. They keep saying we are in a real war, and I think they are right. It is a war, waged by them against us, and we have finally, belatedly begun to fight back. We need to be honest though. This is a war against a religion. Maybe not against Muslims, but it is a war against Islamists, and make no mistake about it, there are a lot of Islamists who desperately need killing.

During the war in Iraq, I heard about all these towelheads in the middle east screaming how they wanted to go to Iraq and fight. They wanted to martyr themselves against the American imperialist dogs, the infidel aggressors, the Godless heathens!

I wrote at the time that we should have offered anyone that wanted one a free ticket to Baghdad. One way. Go there, fight with us, and let’s see how it goes. Let’s see how it shakes out. Me and my biggest-baddest-best-trained-military in the world, and you with your rocks and ideology.

It would have been a lot simpler to kill these worthless scum if they would all gather in one place. Every radical Islamofascist that our guys whack in Iraq, (I love that phrase, WHACK IN IRAQ, it kind of rolls off the tongue.) is one less that is going to release some poison into a water supply, one less that is going to blow his dumb ass up in a pizza parlor, and one less that is going to be driving around one of MY cities with his left turn signal on. One less is good. Two less is better.

If we are at war, then we need to hate. We need to gnaw on the marrow of their bones, wallow in their spilled blood. We need to hate them with that sweet, personal hatred reserved for ex-wives and tax collectors.

And we need to kill.

Let the good Muslims, like the good Germans, good Italians, and to a lesser degree, good Japanese before them, denounce the bad Muslims. Suit up with us, the good guys, and go to war.

We in the west have nothing against Muslims, or being Muslim, as a concept. It’s that whole blowing up building things that has us in a quandary.

The good Muslims are being hurt as badly by these bad ones as the rest of us, but unfortunately, a huge majority of Muslims seem to be afraid to, or loathe to, criticize the bad ones. If some of the ‘good Muslims’ die in the process, oh well. They should have made better choices. I don’t really care.

See, I hate them for not being on my side. It really IS us against them. There really IS a black and a white on this. There really ARE bad guys and good guys. If you can’t differentiate between the two, you deserve whatever bad happens to you.

If you lie down in front of a bulldozer, I hope it runs you over. If you go to a warzone to be a human shield, I hope you become a shield. I want you to get hit, dead-center, with some US made munitions. Hopefully a big, nasty bomb will blow you into little bitty bits. I don’t even want your family to have anything left to bury.

You aren’t cool. You aren’t smart. You aren’t sophisticated. You are a stupid, simpleminded loser, and there is no need in you polluting the gene pool. The best you can become is an example to others. A big, shiny, graphic example of a life, born to advantage, going straight down the tubes.

So if you read this, and you disagree, who cares? I am right. You are wrong. If you can’t see it, I hate you.

Dave Francis
The Dave Francis Show
Radio Roks 102 FM-Now live on the internet!
St. Petersburg, Russia

Dave in Russia Blog

posted by Dave 04:23

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Jesus Christ! I am getting ready to go to bed, and I read this! See everyone tomorrow, assuming tomorrow comes....Dave

A top Russian Foreign Ministry official was quoted as saying yesterday in Tokyo that a "catastrophic" development of events in the US-North Korean nuclear standoff was imminent and could occur within the next day.

"It is probable that, as early as tomorrow, there will be a catastrophic development of events," Itar-Tass quoted Deputy Foreign Minister Alexander Losyukov as saying.

He added that the standoff had "reached an extreme stage" but did not give a more detailed explanation about his warning.

Losyukov holds the Asian affairs brief in the ministry.

His comments came as US Asia envoy James Kelly had a first round of low-key nuclear talks in Beijing with "axis of evil" foe North Korea.



Losyukov said that Russia would welcome progress in Kelly's negotiations with Li Gun, the North Korean Foreign Ministry's deputy director for US affairs and a former senior member of his country's delegation to the United Nations.

"If the danger is defused, we would only welcome this," Losyukov said.

China was represented by Fu Ying, director of the Foreign Ministry's department of Asian affairs, but Russia - which had sought to play a role in mediating the Washington-Pyongyang standoff - was excluded.

Losyukov said Russia did not feel snubbed by the decision.

Russia "does not feel left out or hurt," said Losyukov, whose comments came after a meeting with top Japanese Foreign Ministry officials.

Moscow had pushed for direct talks between North Korea and the United States and argued against Washington's demands for a multilateral format for such negotiations.

But Beijing managed to broker a compromise deal that would see the two sides hold talks with China as an active third party.

Those may be later joined by South Korea and Japan -- but Russia's own role in the negotiations seems uncertain.

President Vladimir Putin has enjoyed privileged relations with North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. He has met the reclusive Stalinist three times over the past two years and Moscow diplomats have insisted that they were still hard at work in trying to resolve the nuclear standoff.

Moscow "is doing all it can in the diplomatic arena," Losyukov was quoted as saying. He gave no further details.


posted by Dave 12:13

Ya know, I was thinking about something. All this bitching and whining you
hear about 'humiliating' the Arabs. They whine, cry, carp and bitch about
how they are being humiliated by the west. First of all, they humiliate
themselves. They dress like freaks, refuse to do any kind of real work, and
treat each other like crap. Their whole way of life is a humiliation. I
wouldn't put one of those outfits on a dog! By the way, they don't like
dogs, and that is another reason they are worthless slime, but I will save
that for another day.

We try to be sensitive. We try to be concerned about their fragile egos.
Well, I for one am tired of it. They want to bitch about humiliation, let's
tell them how it REALLY is. Let's give them reason to be humiliated.

First of all, all of you Arabs and Islamists out there, forget about
competing with us. The US is one bad mutha! We are Shaft, James Bond, and
Dick the Bruiser all rolled into one. We took on the Iraqi army, plus
mujahadin from all over the world, and went through them like a hot knife
going through butter. Actually, it was more like a hot knife going through
air. It is unreal how easy it was. Especially when you consider this.

We didn't just fight Iraq. We didn't just fight the visiting towelheads.
We took on Allah!

We were assured, over and over, by good, loyal Muslims that big bad Allah
was going to weigh in on this one, and that the US stood no chance, because
Allah would step in and kill us all. We were going to be drowned, murdered,
defeated, and sent home with either our tail between our legs or in body

Guess what? We kicked Allah'ss ass! Allah is a punk! A bitch! A bunch of
basically 19-25 year old guys, AND GIRLS! GIRLS! Got that, GIRLS! kicked
the holy crap out of one of the most sophisticated armies the Arab world
could muster, with the support of the entire Arab population, and the help
of Allah!! Now, I understand why they say "peace be upon him" after they
say his name. Cuz he SUCKS at war. If you plan on fighting with us big
dogs, you really may want to consider finding a new god to count on. Last I
heard, Huitzilopostle was available, but he got his ass kicked by a couple
hundred Spaniards last time out. He's had some time to rest up though, who
knows. One thing is for sure. Allah didn't help a damn bit. I mean, even
the FRENCH held out against the Nazi's longer than you did against us. The
French laste 40 days or so, and the best you AND ALLAH could do was 3 weeks!
Jeez! Lucky for you we just used nintendo players on you. Had we broken
out OUR god, you would have been toast. Our god don't play. We ain't got
no sissy-god like you guys have. Our god's de MAN!

I mean, to an Islamist, a successful military operation is when you kill a
couple of schoolchildren while blowing yourself up. What a bunch of losers!
If this is the best you and Allah can do, you really may want to consider
pacifism. You are to war what Andy Kaufman was to pro wrestling.

You fight like a bunch of whiny little girls. It is ridiculous. The next
time one of your crappy little countries acts up, howz about we send a troop
of boy scouts to put you in your place. After all, it isn't like we have to
worry that you are going to have any sort of..... I dont know... effective
divine intervention or anything.

Now, do us all a favor. Go get on your sheets, mount a camel, ....Uhh..
hang on. Let me rephrase that. Get on a camel, and ride around so some
western tourists can get your picture. When you are done, go eat some
hummus and pray to Allah that we don't ever really WANT your damned oil.
The day we want it is the day we ride into town and TAKE IT! Got that?!
Take it!


A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Joseph Stalin


[4/22/2003 4:45:45 PM | Dave Francis]
I hear a lot of people complaining about the way the Bush administration has
treated our allies. "We have lost our allies," they wail, citing that as one
more reason we shouldn't have gone to Iraq and shut down the torture
chambers, (One of which specialized in pediatric torture.) weapons labs, and
terrorist training camps.

Let's examine the gains and losses.

France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Belgium lead the opposition to the
US freeing Iraq. These are the 'allies' that we are supposed to be losing.

France, Germany, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt all claim that they are still
friends with America, and don't want to see that friendship compromised by
the situation regarding Iraq. As for Belgium, well, who really cares? I
mean, it is BELGIUM! Could they be more irrelevant if they tried?

Two other prominent dissenters have been China and Russia.

As long as we keep buying things from China, and giving them national
security secrets for the price of a few campaign contributions to the
Democrats, they will be our 'allies.' Russia, who knows? That enigma is
still an enigma. If Churchill couldn't unravel it, I won't even try. I do
know this. In the last century, if you were opposed by China, Russia, and
Germany, you were probably doing something good. France, Egypt, and Saudi
Arabia don't have a much better track record.

If we have indeed lost allies who weren't willing to help us when we needed
good riddance.

We may have gained some allies in this thing too. I don't think the America
that abandoned the Kurds, the America that stood by while Rwandan's were
slaughtered, the America that encouraged Haitians to leave, then let them
drown, I don't think that America was ever going to have many steadfast
allies. On the other hand, I think an America that has principles, coupled
with a willingness to stick to those principles, has a chance at having true
allies in the world.

I don't really care about our 'allies' in Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and other
places where they are glad to take our money and use it to build hatred of
America. We all have had friends who were all smiles as long as there was
beer. We know how 'valuable' those kinds of friends are.

Are there any gains due to the stronger, more principled policies adopted by
the Bush administration? Look around.

Here in Russia, it was announced today that the top muckety mucks of the
Islamic Council in Russia have ashcanned one of their own. It seems that
the Mufti is no more. The guy all of us here in Russia saw on the news on
April 3rd carrying a sword down the street at an anti-American
demonstration, the guy we heard calling for a jihad against American's
worldwide, the guy who was the face of the fury of Islam here is now just
another guy looking for a job.

The Islamic Council here decided that isn't the kind of voice that needs to
be heard right now. Forget that two weeks ago, he was the star of the
group, the bright light leading them into the future. Now he is just an
ugly reminder of yesterday's failure.

In other places there is also good news. According to the Arab News, Saudi
Arabia has ordered the removal of a lot of Imam's in mosques they support
for talking about current events, and for being too political. It seems the
Saudi's now are deciding that it would be better if the Imam's they are
footing the bill for would stop calling for the destruction of America.
They have told them to stop talking about current events, and concern
themselves with the soul.

This is a decision that will stretch around the world. Mosques everywhere
are funded by the Saudi's, and it is the Saudi's who call the tune for the
guy in the pulpit. (Do they have pulpits?)

Some people claim that the UN has now been made irrelevant by the actions of
the US.

I think the UN, without the might and will of the US, has been basically
useless for a while. Pointing that out is what has happened. The actions in
Iraq by the US have just made the truth obvious to anyone who cares to
notice. Since the irrelevancy of the UN is a truth, it is best for the
world to face that truth, and if they want to fix it, fix it. Denying it
doesn't make it any less true.

The 'allies' we have lost are the kinds of friends we all know. The kind
Wally used to send home in disgust so often. You remember him. Weaselly
faced Eddie Haskell. Here was Wally and the Beav, (The US and UK) trying to
do what's right, trying to be good guys, and cynical Eddie is there,
sneering and jeering. Eddie Haskell, always a little too smart for his own
good. Eddie Haskell, the sophisticate, the know it all, snidely explaining
to Wally how stupid it is to be idealistic, to try to do the right thing.
Eventually, even the patient Wally gets his fill and sends Eddie home.
Everyone is relieved, and by the end of the show, Eddie is shown to be the
weasel we all knew him to be. Maddeningly though, Wally always let Eddie
come back over, always forgave him.

Wally never really forgot though, did he? He always knew that he couldn't
count on Eddie. He always knew Eddie was a coward. A vain, preening, full
of himself ass that was basically good for nothing. Wally tolerated Eddie
for Eddie's sake. Wally put up with Eddie because he was too good not to.
That frustration you used to feel, watching Leave it to Beaver when you
would see Eddie worm his way back into the Cleaver home; well, you are about
to feel it again. The French, Germans, and others are right now ringing the
bell, slicking back their hair, and telling us, "My, don't you look nice
today!" with a lack of sincerity that is so usual that you don't even expect
anything better from them anymore. We would like to say, "Eddie, go home",
but we won't. We are too good to do that.

You can listen to Dave Francis on:
Radio Roks 102 FM
St. Petersburg, Russia
Now LIVE on the internet.


[4/22/2003 4:29:15 PM | Dave Francis]

I will spell it out for you. Apparently some of the people in the Arab
world don't quite get it.

The US supports Israel. It does not want to see Israel destroyed. It will
not, under any circumstances, allow that to happen.

That may be wrong, it may be unfair, but in case you haven't noticed, the
world is unfair. Get over it. It is the world you were born into. Make
the best of it.

Israel says that it just wants its physical integrity protected, and that it
is only protecting itself. Whether true or not, you can debate in your
coffeshops, newspapers, mosques, and wherever else you choose to. Americans
believe the. We believe them because the face we see of the Arab in the
Arab world is an ugly, screaming mob, burning flags, cheering bin Ladin,
supporting Saddam, and killing Americans. You will NEVER get America's
sympathy as long as you continue to present that face. America respects
groups and leaders who have won their freedom, and if you think you can
militarily defeat Israel, with the full and total support of the US
military, then go for it. Good luck. More likely you will weaken
yourselves, embarrass your armies, and continue your cycle of backward
living for an other few centuries.

If you want to see Israel's support in the US cut back, take my advice.

1-Come out against terrorist acts. Killing civilians, guerilla fighting,
all of it. Come out against violence. Don't allow it, don't spread it, and
don't do it!

2-Show that you are thoughtful, instead of just some disgusting, bad
smelling, nasty mob screaming in unison. Be a group of individuals, come
together for a single purpose, and make that purpose the establishment of a
peaceful existence for Jews and Arabs alike.

3-Denounce the hate mongers among you. Cut them loose like they are your
ex-wifes relatives. Get them far away from you. Do not let them be on TV.
Or radio. Or magazines. You get the idea.

4-Take responsibility for yourselves. Quit begging for others to solve your
problems. Solve them yourself. What has Israel, for example, got to do
with Iran? The lives of Saudi youth are not affected by Israel at all, but
they spend their time bitching about Israel, instead of getting a job.
Understand that you, the Arab street, are being played for the suckers that
you are. Not by Tel Aviv, not by Washington, but by Cairo, Riyadh, and
Damascus. As long as they can keep you in the streets screaming about
Israel, you aren't screaming about the TRUE problems in the Arab world.

5-Apologize for the past. Now, I know, with the inflated sense of pride
that exists throughout the Arab world, this is a particularly tough one, but
face it. You people have behaved like asses for the last couple of years.
Hold on, did I say couple? I meant to say for the last THOUSAND years. You
have let what was once a promising culture be hijacked by leaders who have
run you into the ground. I mean, look around you. Your lives suck, and
they suck because of your apathy toward your leaders robbing you blind, your
laziness in advancing, and your hatred of the civlizations who have blown
past you like so many Corvettes passing old ladies in walkers. Apologize to
the Arab street, if you are a leader. To the young if you are old, to the
world if you are a hate monger. Ask the west to forgive you, admit that you
have done a lot wrong, and get on the path of doing the right thing.

The west in general, and America in particular, are very kind, forgiving
places. After you do these five things, you will find that your lives will
get better, America will begin to pay true respect to you and your
societies, and your social structure will finally be worthy of some respect.

In the end though, it is up to you, the Arab street. You can do these
things now, and get on the path to joining the civilized world, or you can
continue to watch bigger, stronger, better nations kick you around like you
are a bunch of little girls. You will never be able to defeat Israel
militarily, as long as the US stands behind it. Never.

Dave Francis
The Dave Francis Show
Radio Roks 102 FM-Now Live on the Internet!

posted by Dave 06:55

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